A Confession

David and I did something very uncharacteristic a couple of weeks ago. Something we've never really done as a married couple - at least since our wedding day. I was shy about telling any of my friends, worried it might make them squirm uncomfortably. I confided in my sister-in-law but made her swear to secrecy. Now, here I am. Ready to come clean with all of you.

We went to church.

I expect some of you might have just reacted to this with a shocked gasp, a feeling that the world just stopped for a moment. Or maybe you just choked on your cereal a little bit.

Others of you may be thinking the opposite. Good for them! They've found Christ. They won't be burning in Hell after all. But before any of you get too excited, let me warn you that we didn't go to just any church.

It was a Unitarian church.

Now, we've been warned that there is a stigma associated with Unitarianism and that our joining the church might not sit well with some people. But for those of you who know me and David well, the fact that we chose a Unitarian church might actually make sense.

Unitarians don't preach any particular doctrine. To be Unitarian you don't even have to believe in God. This concept leads many outside the Unitarian church to believe it's a heathen religion, one that is lacking in morals. But in actuality, the Unitarian church embraces all religions. It invites anyone from any religious background through its doors, and it teaches concepts of all faiths. Then, it steps back and lets people make their own decisions. It only asks that they be good people. Best of all, in my opinion, it doesn't try to force you to be good with the threat of Hell or the promise of Heaven. That was always a big issue for me. I was raised in the United Church of Christ, which was actually described to me by a Unitarian as "the closest you can get to being Unitarian while still being Christian." But by being a Christian faith it did rely heavily on the idea that if you're good you go to Heaven, if you're bad you go to Hell. I never understood why you couldn't be good just to be good. Why are people taught that they'll get something in exchange for being a good person? But the guilt part was the worst. I grew up feeling guilty about so much, and spent many hours as a child being scared of Hell. So the concept of being good for the sake of good without worrying about what comes after life is very appealing to me.

It may be more surprising to you that David would go to church with me. As you may know, David is agnostic. But if you know David at all you also know he is on a constant mission to learn. He's always reading, listening, observing. He minored in religious studies in college so he could know more about the history and concepts of various religions (and so he could always have a good argument). So really, it's not so hard to believe that he'd be interested in attending a church that focuses as much as it does on religious education. I had wondered myself, however, how his agnostic beliefs would fit in at a church, even a Unitarian one. But I began to understand how truly diverse Unitarianism is while David and I were sitting down after the service with a couple who gave us a mini-orientation of the church. First, a woman walked in on our discussion and asked, "Is this the pagan meeting?" The couple told her no, the pagan meeting was taking place down the hall. Then the minister came in to talk with us awhile, and he further explained the concept of multiple beliefs being accepted at the church. He specifically mentioned agnostics and atheists. When he said atheists, the woman leading the orientation shot up her hand and smiled, indicating she fell into this category. That surprised even me and put me more at ease as it also further opened my understanding and comfort of Unitarianism. It really is about the kind of person you are, not about what you believe.

Still, you may be wondering, why did Karen and David decide to go to church? They don't need to be told that they can be good people without needing incentive to be so. They can read books to learn about different beliefs. Well, I'll try to explain.

First, lately David and I have been wanting to do more for our community. David sold his soul (oh sure, pun intended) to the world of advertising, where he spends much of his time convincing people they need to put themselves into debt by taking out a loan or that they can't live without a certain product or that a certain kind of snack cake is mmm...so delicious! I work at a nonprofit that aims to improve the overall welfare of women and children in our community, but the daily drudgery of my work and the fact that I get a paycheck keeps me from feeling I'm doing something out of the goodness of my heart. We've talked about doing volunteer work in our free time, but what free time do we have? So we're attracted by the opportunities that are offered by the local Unitarian church. Once a month, we can make a casserole that will feed a hungry family. We can donate items such as old clothes and eye glasses that will be given to those who need them. The church works with Habitat for Humanity to help build affordable housing, and there's even opportunities to lobby legislators to support state policies that improve the lives of low-income people. The list of opportunities goes on.

We're also looking ahead. We plan to have children someday, and we want them to be good people. We don't want them to be taught to feel they have to be good or else, well, you know. But we don't want them to miss out on the benefits of church just because we want to protect them from the teachings we disagree with. They can learn valuable lessons in morality and being considerate and caring of others. We also want them to think for themselves and to be exposed to different cultures and beliefs. From what we've learned of Unitarianism, it is a good fit for what we want for our children.

I don't see David and I as attending church regularly each Sunday. We can pick and choose what services we'd like to attend and which events we participate in. There's a sermon on Islam coming up that I am interested in hearing, and we are thinking about going to Passover dinner next week. I'm hopeful that this experience will help us fill some voids in what is otherwise a full and prosperous life.